So I haven't checked TSN or CBC or the Star or the Globe or anything else (not even the best hockey blog in the known universe) for the results of this evening's tilt between the Leafs and the Canucks.
I'm going to retire shortly, choosing to do so in the beleaf (yes, I'm prepared to sink to that level. Got a problem with that?) that the Leafs have managed to halt their losing skid, and that Nazem Kadri, in addition to channelling Jean Beliveau, Bryan Trottier and Mark Messier, has posted a Gordie Howe hat-trick.
I'm also choosing to believe that:
- tomorrow will be filled with puppies, rainbows and chocolate;
- Stephen Harper and Mike Harris will declare their forbidden love and then retire somewhere obscure, taking their bastard child Rob Ford with them;
- every cop in Toronto will suddenly rediscover a sense of shame, forswear further violence, and simply walk the earth like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.
I know, I know, I know, but please – allow me this little fantasy.
Oh, and, um ... everyone gets a pony, too.
Update: No, really. Otherwise I have to think about depressing shit like this.